


the art of peace

by owlox



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bad Decisions, Character Development, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Instability, Naruto RarePair Week 2020, Origin Story, Original Universe, Partners to Lovers, Post-Loss, Slow Build, Trust Issues, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlox/pseuds/owlox
Summary: akatsuki is a rough and cold-blooded place. but with loneliness nagging on his soul, deidara finds out that he is not the only one struggling. will they be able to feel a little light again?; nobody felt the need to say anything. there was a profound enjoyment in the stillness of the now which none of them dared to shatter. they were in love with the soft warmth the sunshine created though the fabric of the tent, the warmth of each other and the rhythm of their heartbeats.
Relationships: Deidara/Uchiha Itachi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. loss and comfort

the night was getting late and the akatsuki members had been sitting together at the fireplace. one after another, each one had settled in for bed and there were only itachi and deidara left. normally, deidara would have gone to bed too, especially because he hated itachis guts, but today was different. deidara was devastated. few days ago, his companion sasori died in combat with two leaf and sand shinobi. he lost both of his arms, but even if konan had been able to reattach one of them, the pain was driving him nuts.

the past few days, deidara seemed fine, but it now realization finally snuck up on him. he has had his differences with sasori in the past, but they always shared their passion for art with one another. it felt weird that he was gone. through their shared passions, they grew close friends over time. deidara was struggling a lot, more than he dared to admit. konan had announced that he should go on missions again in a few days. he was just not ready, but he was too proud for one part and too scared for the other part to voice it. he felt overwhelmed and lonely and was on the verge of breaking out in tears for the entire evening. but tears were not fitting for an akatsuki. and it would have made him feel even more like an outcast.

itachi sat with him quietly for quite a bit. it was soothing for deidara, that he didnt feel pressured to talk to him, even if his grudges against him were irrelevant for today. he just had a bigger mess to worry about currently.

but seemingly noticing deidaras distress, he spoke up eventually. "are you alright?", he asked plain and unbothered.

deidara wanted to scream no, but he just nodded and avoided looking back at him. he was kinda glad anyone asked though, even if the burning tears were even more determined to break out now. his head hurt. he felt like one of his artworks ready to explode.

"i know you dont get along with me that easily, but i just want you to know that i feel your pain. its natural to be depressed about the loss of a friend." itachi did not flinch, but his eyes seemed warmer then usual. "i think we all saw too many people die to care anymore", he added in a hushed tone.

"I- un", deidaras voice was cracking. he couldnt hold back his tears anymore. why was he so frail? he repressed a silent whimper. it was dark though, so he hoped, itachi would not see them rolling down his cheeks.

deidara was quite moved by the nice words uchiha had left for him. why was he so friendly all of a sudden? why was ist him, out of all people? not only was he defeated by his sharingan, now he saw him the most vulnerable he had ever been. why was the feeling of weakness always sneaking up on deidara when he was around him? he hated it, to say the least.

but maybe this guy had gone through some tough shit as well, he thought to himself. he was thankful for his company actually. the other members were kind of his friends or he was just straight up not vibing with them. but itachi... he didnt even know anything about him really. they were like strangers. deidara had been focused on beating his sharingan all the time, which he was not sure he succeeded on. but itachi didnt even care about it. he always ever just finished his job. no questions asked.

deidaras eyes were still watering though he managed to not make any sound. the tears felt like relief so he didnt bother to hold them in anymore. his skin was damp and glistened in the fading shine of the campfire.

itachi stood up and as he was about to walk past deidara, he rested his hand on his shoulder. deidara froze. "its ok to cry" he felt itachis red sharingan eyes on him. "Ill get something to drink."

when itachi had turned around the corner, deidara let go. he gasped for air and wailed silently as he rest his head inside his palms. there was no one to comfort him other than himself. he missed his mother all of a sudden. he must have made some terrible mistakes in life to end up with a bunch of cold-blooded killers, he concluded. but probably he would die on a mission sooner or later anyways.

itachi walked in the headquarters to get some drinks. he felt very sorry for deidara. he for himself never really got the point of fighting with him anyways. itachi was sorry to have recruited him like that. but it was just another mission.

deidaras suffering made him think about his parents and his best friend shisui. and of his little brother, of course. he also felt lonely from time to time, while being in the organisation. even if he thought about his partner kisame as a friend, of course itachi had never been the type of person to share his feelings. however, deidara was still very young and he reminded him a lot of sasuke. less character-wise, but more like itachi felt like he needed to protect him. even though itachi was annoyed with him from time to time, he valued his emotional outbursts. he knew that they were not fitting for the organisation, crying anyhow, but in his opinion they needed to be protected at all cost. he was dear to him after all, and it was a shame to him, that deidara hated him so much. but he got it, he used his sharingan on him, which led to him losing his freedom by being forced to join the organisation.

itachi grabbed the sake and two glasses and went outside again. deidara was still shaking and tears ran down his cheeks. feeling terrible for him, he made himself comfortable next to his crying teammate. he glanced at him and just wanted to take his pain away, but he knew it wasnt possible. he looked innocent and vulnerable. too young to be in a situation like that. too young to be grieving like that. itachi knew best how deidara was feeling. he himself had a even more brutal childhood with way more responsibilities probably. therefore, and for the bad decisions he made, he wished deeply for the shinobi world to change.

he felt the need to hug deidara until he was alright, but he knew that was inappropriate probably. so instead, he gently lifted up his chin and looked him in the eyes. "hes in a good place now, i assume", he tried to comfort him. the feeling of his warm, soft skin remained on his fingers for a snatch. deidara sniffed and itachi poured himself some sake.

"un, for me too, please", deidara said with a croaking voice. itachi had never been so nice to him before, which was quite confusing. but maybe he just never had let him be?

the sake went down his sore throat like honey. he did not give a shit right now, he did not care for missions nor for the following day. he just wanted to quiet his mind today and numb the pain a bit. and it had the impression if it was the same for itachi. maybe they had more in common than deidara had anticipated. a shy interest in his teammates background sparked up in his mind.

both sat at the fire for at least two more hours. they talked loosely about this and that, itachi even talked about his past a bit as they had drinks together. like the loss of shisui, for example. deidara was feeling released, after he had the chance to share his feelings with somebody. never had he imagined to do so in a place like this, especially not with itachi.

in the end, both of them were pretty tipsy, especially deidara. he had trouble standing up as they slowly walked back to the headquarters and even crashed into itachi a few times. the fire was burned down and it was already pretty late at night.

itachi was not used to drinking as well. the rice wine had stirred up his mind a lot and he couldnt control his thoughts as he was used to. but it was a nice feeling for once in a while. and most importantly, he had managed to cheer deidara up a bit. he was actually in quite good spirits now, itachi figured. and he himself was also refreshed by the heartfelt conversation they had. he brought deidara up until the door of his room to make sure he got there safely.

"itachi-kun!", his smirky face went to drop dead serious in a flinch. he really was drunk. "thanks for being here" deidara let his head fall onto itachis chest.

itachis stomach tingled. deidara smelled sweet. was it the sake? he couldnt tell. deidaras cheeks were glowing red as he got up and looked at him again. his glaze was sheepish but in itachis could have looked at him for hours like that instead, he raised his hand and gave the young shinobi a gentle tab on the forehead. "you alright", he asked to reassure.

"yeah, im fine, un" seriousness flashed back in deidaras glance.

it is fine, he said to himself again as itachi walked off. he felt weird. his stomach was all stirred up and he was drunk and his partner was dead. and he just had an awesome conversation with itachi, his so believed arch enemy. it was weird and it made him nervous. but deidara was gone anyways the moment he fell into bed. his dreams were troublesome as well, but he would make it through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys this is my first post and i really hope you enjoy the story🌈💖
> 
> it is not very violent at all but i chose to apply the archive waring anyway, just in case.  
> i hope you dont get annoyed with my lack of case sensitivity and apostrophes lol - also, english is not my native language, so please feel free to let me know when something doesnt add up.
> 
> part two will be added very soon, see u!


	2. dark forest sky

a week had passed after the evening at the campfire. deidara was still grieving, but he was fine overall. he would get a new companion in a few days and he actually looked forward to that. the past days, he was assigned the hidan and kakuzus team, but they were not really vibing too good. they were quite annoying to be with and he felt like he just disrupted their teamwork.

besides, after drinking with itachi, they didnt really spoke that much. deidara was feeling awkward about the way he behaved or not behaved at this particular evening, thats why he kinda avoided him. he didnt really remember everything to be honest, but he knew that he talked a lot in the end. and to add on him just feeling embarrassed, itachi also went back to his silent lifestyle. or maybe he just didnt want to make deidara uncomfortable.

the young man sighed in his bed. what would await him today, he wondered. his arms hurt less and less each day and he slowly adjusted to his bodily restrictions. but life was still a drag since sasori was gone. he had got used to working again, but he couldnt even do it properly since his new partner tobi hadnt arrived yet.

but as soon as the thought crossed his head, someone knocked on the door. it was konan. deidara blushed for the fact that he was still in bed with his pyjamas.

"what is up, huh?" he asked her in.

"nothing serious.", she answered. " but you are leaving with itachi today. kisame had a bad fight on their last mission. he will be fine, but it would be better for him if he rested for a day or two."

chills ran down his neck. he was not comfortable with that, but konan was not the person who was amendable for complaints. "what kind of mission will it be", he inquired anyways. 

"just a typical bounty hunt, itachi has all the details. nothing out of the ordinary. get yourself ready soon." a flash of amusement shrug her face. despite the fact that kakuzu normally took care of akatsukis finances, the other members were ordered on bounty hunts as well from time to time. the organization needed an increasing amount of money as they became more powerful and active.

deidaras heart was beating loudly. when he thought about itachis sharingan eyes, slight hatred arose from his guts again, but he was really trying to suppress it. deidara would of course never admit it to anyone else, but the fact that itachi was stronger than him and his jutsus were artsy as fuck in his opinion, was bothering him still, even if he had tried to brush the thoughts away after itachi had been so nice to him. 

but he could never forget the moment when he realized he lost against him during his recruiting. devastating. and itachi just was standing in the busted wall, the sundown in his back and the glooming red eyes in his face like he was some kind of god or something, looking so superior and divine, while deidara just felt like a dumb little kid. he couldnt even hate him for that. "tss", he hissed and attempted to get out of bed.

he nearly tripped as he saw itachi just standing in his door. how long had he been there already? deidaras face turned red as he gave him a sour glance. "what?" he asked aggressively.

"we have a mission.", itachi sad with a dry voice. "just checking on you."

deidara felt bad for a sec. the look on itachis face was not suggesting that he meant to cause any trouble. but it was never suggesting anything, so might as well had been the case.

"ill be there in a sec, un", deidara replied more calmly still. he was kinda happy that they would leave for the mission early. he was bored senseless.

quickly he grabbed his stuff and a decent amount of clay and rushed outside. itachi already awaited him at the entry.

"did you eat?", he asked briefly.

deidara just nodded, even if it was not true. he wasnt hungry at all. itachi seemed to notice his lie, but he choose to not comment on it. they both walked out of the headquarters as itachi explained the mission.

"it will be a two days journey. the guy were looking for is a government official, maybe we can take his advisor too. he will be easy to kill. i suggest we fly until the border. we still shouldnt risk to be seen."

deidara nodded and created one of his giant flying birds. they both hopped upon and headed towards their destination. normally, deidara would have complained about an easy bounty hunt, but now, he was actually happy about a lower rank mission. 

the flight was chill. they both were kinda moody, so they didnt talk a lot. but here and there they chatted about the recent missions and developments in the headquarters. deidara felt a relief. he had been stressed out over nothing apparently.

they werent in a hurry, so in the evening, they decided to set up their tent in the woods and stay the night. deidara went to get some food while itachi set up the camp and a fire. deidaras tummy was growling and he was very hungry because he hadnt eaten all day.

they finally sat down by the fire and roasted a few legumes in the flames. as the food was done, deidara looped it down in a hurry and eventually burned his tounge. he earned a discerning view from itachi and flicked his tongue in response.

"you still hold grudges against me, do you?", itachi averted his eyes.

"yeah stop bitching around maybe ill like you more", deidara snapped back at him. the hunger made him more moody than he wished for.

itachi went silent and looked further away. deidara blushed and felt bad instantly for being such a brat. evasively he drew figures in the dirt with a stick that was left from dinner. fighting wasnt his agenda, but itachi and him being cool with each other didnt feel natural to him yet. he was annoyed at himself for being such a drama-queen. fighting was way easier than being nice.

"sorry." the word came out forcibly, but deidara meant it.

"its fine." itachi muttered.

"i mean i mean it, uh.", deidara tried to elaborate. "im just not used to this. i still think of how you overpowered me with your stupid sharingan", he hissed. "you took my life away and snatched me into this stupid organisation, hm! a lot of things would be different if that didnt happen in the first place."

"i was under the impression you liked it here."

"thats not the point, uh." he did though. it had actually been good fun before sasori passed.

"i was just doing my job."

deidaras cheeks heated up in rage. he hated this statement and when people just followed orders blindly. and more importantly he was furious that uchiha could not even fucking apologize to him. he needed this issue cleared up before he could decide on how to further treat him. the words burst out of his mouth. "were you also just doing your job when you killed your entire family you scumbag, hm?"

the reminder of his biggest regret and the feeling emerging struck him like lightning. he barely ever lost control, but this issue was his triggering him immensely. it was too intimate, too hurtful to think about. itachi glared back at deidara enraged. "watch your mouth" he hissed silently.

but deidara didnt. "would you use your perfect abilities on your little brother as well if it was a mission? or is it the big idea to force him into being a villain, yeah? is that why you spared him?"

itachis blood boiled and anger clouded his vision. deidara hit the spot. he did use his magekyo on sasuke and he beat himself up for it every single day. not even on a mission. who was deidara to judge him anyway? he knew nothing about him and he was disgusted by himself that he thought he could trust this guy.

"you fucking bastard", still silent but deadly he grabbed deidara by his throat and held him up to a tree. "be careful what you say. i can use it again if you are so obsessed in it." his eyes were full of hatred at this moment but he calmed down a bit as he saw deidaras impression. he was looking frightened and gasped for air. his soft skin felt fragile under itachis violent grip. he didnt know what he was doing anyway, but his body was agitated from the lack of space between them.

deidaras heart was pounding. he was scared of uchihas abilities. he was ready to counter the genjutsu with his scope eye, but itachi got him in a very bad position. he panicked and itachi came even closer.

"i wont hurt you for just asking a few questions, uh?" he mocked him. honestly deidara was pretty sure he would. but his voice sounded less berserk than before. and he choose to just ignore the provocation to deescalate. he already went far enough.

suddenly itachis grip loosened but he did not let him go completely. he still got him trapped with his body weight and deidara could feel his cold hands grabbing his wrist as he respired.

unexpectedly and in a creepy manner, itachi ran a hand hand trough deidaras hair, still pinned tightly to the tree. "i wont hurt you", itachi aspirated so silently, deidara had trouble understanding. he held his breath, his heart could be heard kilometers away, he figured. his blood was boiling and his body tense. itachi really was a psychopath after all. what the hell was his endgame?

itachi touched deidaras face with his lips. before deidara could do anything about it, he felt itachis lips on his. they were warm and gentle. and it made him dizzy. he gave in to the kiss just for a second but then he broke free and shoved itachi away.

"why, un?" deidara squeaked. "leave me alone!" he broke free and jumped back to get some distance. he still stared at itachi petrified.

itachi seemed troubled, as much as deidara could judge. of course he was. deidara couldnt wait for a proper explanation. but he didnt receive one. itachi just went off without saying anything. 

the young shinobi was left in confusion. his stomach was rumbling. "tss", he hissed. "what the fuck, hn?" he sat down on the branch. itachis grip and his salty tounge were haunting his mind. his smell was soft but aromatic. it drove deidara randy. why did he kiss him, why? deidara was not very experienced to say the least and the situation was too much for him to handle. itachi was a brat, but now he wondered if he missed something. he regretted that he didnt try to talk this through instead of making accusations and starting a fight. deidara wrapped his arms around his knees. his mind was racing. how could he sleep like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it kinda hurts me myself that itachi is pictured as such a numskull in this chapter, but i think it is necessary to point out that he has no clue about social interaction and being nice to people whatsoever because of his terrible childhood?
> 
> konoha is cancelled☠


	3. loose

the morning afterwards, deidara woke up completely trashed. he slept horribly. his dreams had been wild and he tossed and turned his sheets all night long. itachi was nowhere to be seen. he didnt even enter the tent last night.

deidara sighed. sleep-driven, he stood up and dared a peek through the tents entrance. itachi was sitting at the fireplace, ready to go. deidaras face turned deep red and he hid in the tent for a moment again before he stepped out. he has had some very wild dreams involving him last night and wasnt even sure if he should be angry any longer. to be honest, it made him sad that itachi had been out all alone in the forest all night.

as he finally stepped out of the tent, the situation was more than awkward. just as expected. itachi didnt look at him at all.

"lets go", he said as he wrapped up the tent quickly. deidara formed another bird out of clay, but itachi shook his head. "we should walk from here."

deidara just nodded and they wandered behind each other silently. it felt like the day would never pass. he was too timid to start a conversation and truly regretted how they had treated each other yesterday. itachi probably was feeling awful, just like him, even if he would never admit. deidaras body was tense and itchy all the time and he was tired.

he broke the silence after a while. "itachi... un. im sorry you had to sleep outside", he stuttered.

itachi did not tun around. "lets just focus on our mission", he said stiffly.

deidara growled silently. that did not went well.

either way, they arrived at the village where they were headed in the late evening. they quickly found the target and completed the mission successfully under the cover of darkness. the two targets had not been a challenge whatsoever. but anyway they had to be careful on their way back. each of them shouldered one of the dead, which deidara thought was pretty disgusting. thats what he hated about bounty hunts the most. but as they were leaving the more populated areas, deidara could finally create a clay bird and let him carry his burden.

it was already in the early morning hours when they arrived on a small mountain road they had planned to take on their way back. before they could head for the headquarters, they had to get rid of the bodies at the exchange point first, which was a small detour.

after being on the road for several hours, the lack of sleep really caught up to deidara. they were in the mountains and had created a decent amount of distance between them and the village. most likely, the people had not even realized the missing persons yet, it was still pitch black outside after all. and even if someone managed to sneak up on them, they would be able to defeat them in a flash.

"im so tired, un", deidara said finally. he didnt want to be weak, but he couldnt keep up anymore.

"me too", he was surprised by itachis soft tone. "lets find a place to rest."

the found a cave several hundred meters ahead, where they could take a break in a safe environment. deidara breathed a sigh of relief and crashed on the floor. itachi dragged the dead bodies inside as well without a word. deidara was distressed by them, but they had no other choice but to keep an eye on them. they were worth a lot of cash for the organisation.

itachi attempted to leave again as soon as he was done with the bodies and deidaras heart dragged in his chest. he felt like their cold treatment for one another was quite unnecessary.

"please stay", he pleaded.

"why?" itachis voice was cut off.

"because i want you around, yeah. im sorry for yesterday. i didnt meant to-"

"me too." itachi sat down next to him. dark shadows were lurking under his eyes. the dark grey hair that contrasted his pale skin was still tousled from the journey. he looked exhausted as he gazed outside into the slowly illuminating night sky.

deidara was too tired to talk right now. all he knew was that the situation today had been unbearable for him. itachi seemed so hurt and all deidara could think of was how good it actually felt when he had kissed him the night before. itachi always seemed so cold-blooded and unemotional, but apparently he had an affective side to him as well. what hidden streaks were lurking in is shadows? deidara wanted to explore and dig them up out of the depth of his psyche and the possibility of him being the only one to know about his true self gave him chills.

out of a sudden flash of bravery, he just grabbed itachis hand and closed his eyes. itachi twitched hardly noticeable. he didnt pull away nor did he answer deidaras grip. but itachi accepting his deed relaxed him immediately. it didnt take long until he doze off.

deidaras palms were still holding his fingers gently. they were soft and warm and itachi realized the heavy weight he had carried on him for the entire day falling off. he had never been so confused and embarrassed like he had been the prior evening. he couldnt even explain what he was thinking. he had just acted out of pure instinct while his pumping, raging blood had pushed him forward. he was getting all worked up about deidaras words, but now itachi started realizing that it was the fact he especially was saying them, that had irritated him so much. he hated to admit it, but he was just wild about ht young missing nin. he wanted to touch his hair and body and thinking about it made his whole body tickle. it even made his pain go away for a brief amount of time.

itachi had never expected falling in love, especially not here. akatsuki was not the place to be for him. it was just a means to an end. and he also never thought about falling in love with another guy. itachi himself had not have had many love interests in his life. there was another girl in the anbu when he still was a teen, but obviously he never saw her again after he went rogue. he sadly never really had a chance to worry about love.

he brushed it off and decided to not overthink it right now. he tried to just savor the moment and preserve the subtle and warm feeling in his stomach of not feeling alone for once in his life. in the end, who knew what would happen the next day even? the akatsuki members lived a dangerous life, even if pain didnt want to admit it. they were displayed as a strong and superior elite, which they were, but they were also a group of internationally searched and hunted criminals. if a group of konoha nin found them in that cave right now, it could all be over for them. just like it had been for sasori.

itachi looked down on deidara peacefully sleeping. he would have rested himself, but he knew he couldnt sleep anyways. he coughed silently. his lungs burned and reminded him yet of the fleeting danger that life threatened him with. maybe he had a crush because he just craved this little peace and warmth from time to time. deidara was so sweet and passionate and itachi never wanted him to be so scarred from war and conflict like he was. he dedicated his life to higher purposes and had realized over time, that there was really no space left for personal needs. he forgot how to feel love and inflicted his own trauma on his little brother that he had sworn to care for to his parents. he asked himself, if he did even anything right. he was not sure about this.

sun broke out of the clouds some time later. the night was over and the two were better off leaving soon and quickly. by now, their enemies would have figured out that the politician had been brutally murdered at night and would be out on their way soon to look for the assassins.

deidara woke up right on time. they caught a hasty glimpse at each other and a little weird smile sparked over deidaras face. he looked very sleepy still. even itachi smiled briefly upon this sight, but wasnt sure if his partner had even noticed. but either way they had greater things to be concerned right now. itachi dared to gently caress his cheek before getting up and picking up the corpses.

deidara also got up and stretched. "lets fly from here, yeah." he was right. they hopped onto the big clay bird and headed towards the exchange point.


	4. broken agony

the sun already set an hour ago. dark purple clouds hovered over the land and the first stars were about to be seen. a soft orange glimmer still remained on the horizon. the big white bird with the two shallow figures on it flew over a thickly wooded area. the corpses had already been taken care of and itachi was carrying of the money they received. the forest beneath them looked like a perfect place to stay the night.

deidara yawped. "ill go down, yeah", he announced.  
itachi mumbled an agreement.

a while later the sky was dark blue already and the stars were all out. itachi and deidara sat next to their tent on the dry, soft forest floor. it was a warm summer night and they were too lazy to light a fire. without it they were more low-key anyway.

deidara took a deep breath and closed his eyes. the air was so clean and it smelled beautiful. next to him, itachi let out a quiet cough.

"are you ok", deidara asked casually.

"Im fine, thanks. you know i-", itachi began, but fell silent again afterwards.

deidara looked at him waiting. "what is it?"

"i thought about what you said the other day. about sasuke."

"oh man, uh. im still sorry for that, you know. i didnt want to offend you or something, im sure you know whats best, hm."

"im sure i dont", itachi muttered.

"what?"

"nothing. you know, i think it just triggered me because i already did."

"hm, did what" you know, you can tell me. you dont have to be so mysterious and closed up all the time, uh. cant be good for you anyways i think." deidara hushed. he didnt want to be reminded of this particular night to be honest, but he really wanted to hear itachis thoughts. he wondered what was going on in his mind.

itachi sighed kinda stressed. "i already used the tsukoyomi on him and i beat him up very badly when kisame and i went for the kjuubi. i regret it. and i regret much other stuff too. i also regret treating you like shit. i dont know whats best at all." his deep back eyes were staring in the shadowy forest.

deidara got chills. wow he really didnt expect for itachi to dive that deep. he couldnt even be satisfied that he obviously felt bad about hurting him. and he didnt know what to say.

"um-"

"sorry that was-"

"no, no, thats not it, uh. im glad you told me." deidara paused. "you know, we all make mistakes. no matter how big, as long as you learned something from it. sasuke still means a lot to you, uh?"

itachi flinched. "i guess he does. but its meaningless, i destroyed his life. i murdered his whole family and then i told him to kill his best friend and fucked off."

ugh. deidara had never seen him crushed like that. big shadows lurked in his eyes, angst. he wished he could stick him together and tell him how beautiful life could be, but he wasnt even sure if he had any idea about that himself. he glazed over to itachi. he sat there crouched with drawn-up knees and his hands entangled his body. he didnt seem like he would say such things honestly. deidara couldnt imagine even. "how old were you again", he asked to get the bigger picture.

itachi pondered. "13", he finally answered.

"13?" deidara was puzzled. "uhm well- wow. how were you even able to execute that? werent you like- in the academy, uh?"

"i was an anbu and i had help."

"an anbu oh my god. you sure are a skilled shinobi, uh" deidara felt awed. but at the same time he wondered if this was even desirable. "how was your life back then? could you even like- be a kid sometimes?"

"it was all missions. i dont even remember it very clearly." itachi tried to dig up some memories. he couldnt even think about him being able to play with friends or something. sure, he had had quality time with shisui. but it had been not as lighthearted as he would have wished for. it was training, worrying. trying to deal with adult-problems. then he was gone.

"man what a life, uh. no wonder you did some questionable shit, you were just a kid."

itachi grumbled. he seemed not content about simply coming up with an excuse.

"hey", deidara tried to soothe him. "you dont have to carry the worlds burden on your shoulders." itachi remained silent and rest his head on his knees as deidara moved closer to him. "youre just human like everyone else, even if you dont seem to know that." he smirked and fiddled itachis hair away to gain a better sight of his face. 

"you are not alone," he added in a serious tone and pressed his head softly against itachis neck. his skin was dry and cold and hair was smooth and scentless.

itachi had his head still buried in his arms. he couldnt believe that he actually went that far, but opening up to deidara felt so incredibly good and empowering. he was such a jewel, itachis heart nearly hurt thinking about it.

he lifted his head and released himself out of the coached position he had taken, just for deidara to embrace him tightly. he mumbled something under his breath what itachi couldnt fully understand. deidara squeezed him tightly and it felt like his messed up existence, that scattered into incoherent parts a long time ago, felt like being pushed together again. he briefly wondered how long it had been for anyone to hug him like that. in the tight squeeze, his anxiety and worries seemed to be just fading into the skies.

itachi lifted his hand to touch deidaras chest. butterflies wrecked havoc in his stomach. he pushed him away just a bit, forcing him to let go. they were now facing each other, just inches separating them. his pulse ran high. deidaras was too, he could feel his blood rush beneath his hands. 

itachi tightened his grip around the cloak. just as he was about to pull him closer, deidara grabbed his face with both hands and their lips crashed. his heart skipped a beat, the thought that was arising seconds ago just disploded in thin air. he was pulling him so hard he had to be careful their teeth did not collide. itachi made a small sound, surprised. deidaras face was hot and his hair tickled his nose. he was so perfect, so divine. he always worried about how his art and compared it with others, but itachi thought he was simply untouchable.

deidara ruffled though his hair and itachi wanted to do the same to him. he loosened the ribbon that kept deidaras hair tied. in awe, he felt his cheeks blooming from the heat and his frantic heartbeat as his smooth lips were brushing against his. itachi proceeded with running his cool tongue over the pulse bouncing in deidaras neck. he let out a shaky breath. his body, the soul inside, the small muffled sounds he made were giving itachi flashing chills.

he as feeling, he was living. he was cherishing the moment and he did not crave it to be over. the agony, the thoughts that tormented him day and night were brushed away by mere excitement.

itachi sneaked his hand trough deidaras cloak and ran it down his slim body. he grabbed for the skin covering his ribs lightly and once again wondered why he was so fine, so ideal. he dug his face in his chest but then rowed back and kissed him once again, shaking, with all the passion and love he had to offer.

deidara gasped. he was art. art.

he never wanted anything so bad. never admired anything so much. anyone. he felt itachi kissing him and his heart nearly burst apart. itachis pale face was gaining colour as well and he had never looked so agitated. so emotional. it were feelings that had nearly died and never expected to be awaken again, so it seemed. deidara was burning hot. he wanted itachi to feel, he wanted him to be closer. he got rid of his cloak and wanted to take itachis off too, but instead, he dragged him into the tent. under the cover, he proceeded. itachi was thin, scraggy even, his body looked so drawn and there were scars all over him. how? he wondered. it seemed like itachi was barely even touchable while fighting. he never had seen him being hit. he touched him gently, as if his soul could break apart at any moment.

deidara felt itachis fingers lingering on his hips. he wanted to get absorbed into him, close the space, not a single centimetre in between. he let out a shattered grown when itachi slid down his shorts.

"you really want this", he reassured in a husky voice. deidara head was dizzy. he pulled him closer and bit itachis ear gently in response. he was shaking and hot for his means, seemed even nervous. deidara placed his palms on top of his heart in an attempt to settle him, but was soon stuck by a wave of agitation himself as itachi pressed him onto the ground and sunk down. a silent sound of delight escaped deidaras lips.

a fleeting explosion,  
nothing but art.

it was far from perfection, but when deidara woke up the next morning, he felt happy and content. he found himself still in itachis arms and a flash of joy ran through his spines. he drew himself closer, buried his head in his chest and inhaled deeply. if his smell was the sea, he was ready to drown himself in it. itachi hugged him back softly and kissed him on the forehead as he lifted his face to catch a glance at itchis eyes. they were dark, tired, but less tinted with loneliness than ever. 

warmth lingered in itachis chest. he closed his eyes and felt exhausted. not in a bad way. in fact, he dint catch a lot of sleep last night indeed. his body had been too tense and antsy and his mind could not have been quieted, laying so close to someone else. but he was more than happy to listen to deidara sleeping, watching his slim chest go up and down and wondering about what he might have dreamt of. he ran through his smooth golden hair and wondered, how long the moment would last.

nobody felt the need to say anything. there was a profound enjoyment in the stillness of the now which none of them dared to shatter. they were in love with the soft warmth the sunshine created though the fabric of the tent, the warmth of each other and the rhythm of their heartbeats. the feeling of another person inside their arms, being close to one another. a feeling they hadnt even known to crave that much, but yet unconsciously had been missing for so long.

but as the morning passed off, it was obvious fact that they needed to leave soon when they wanted to be at the headquarters in the evening. they didnt want to necessarily, but it was required.

"we need to pack up", itachi said so silently that his words nearly shattered into nothing before reaching deidaras ear. he took a last deep breath and they started to prepare for their last days journey. bitterness arose in deidaras throat, but he brushed it away.

they walked slowly through the forest. the sun was shining through the trees and the small twigs under their feet were quietly cracking as they walked. they could have flown off right away, but neither itachi nor deidara had the desire to. deidara loosely held itachis hand, already wondering when he could do it again. they were not partners after all. when they got back, deidara would be teamed up with tobi and itachi would leave for missions with kisame again.

"what are we going to do now", deidara asked vaguely, hoping itachi would get what he wanted to say.

"i dont know", he admitted.

the mood was gloomy as the stepped out of the forest. wide fields were laying before them and small villages marked the land. there was no reason not to go off flying from here.

deidara took a glance at itachi who was scowling. he slid his arms around his waist and pulled him as close as he could one more time. itachi stepped forward and pushed deidara against a lone tree, standing on the edge of the forest. he fondled his face and they shared a soft, longing kiss before they had to start their journey.

the bird enlarged and both missing nin jumped upon his back. 

deidara sighed. a shallow smile flickered over itachis face and he gave deidara a simple tab on the forehead as a response. deidaras stomach tingled.

"well work it out somehow", itachi vaguely promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sm for reading💞


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